Is the famed concept of love at first sight possible, and if it is, will it last? The jury is out on this one, but as with everything related to perhaps the vaguest yet strongest feeling one can feel, there’s really no way to tell when you will fall in and out of love. Whether you’ve been with the same person for years or you’ve only spent time with them once doesn’t seem to matter in the long run.
The unpredictability of how your emotions will play into the relationship makes it hard to sit down and determine whether it will last and if you’ll be happy. Things get even more complicated when you consider these facts.
Your “Type” Doesn’t Matter
When you were single, you had a type. You had a set of characteristics that defined your ideal partner. It can be something specific, such as their height, age and ethnicity. It can even be vague and leaning towards how they are as a person, including their humor and thoughts on certain topics you feel strongly about.
Then comes that person who, if measured against your set of requirements, would not ideally pass the test, and yet you find yourself in love and ready to look for engagement rings in Utah.
What gives? According to research, your “type” acts as a placeholder until you meet someone and the proximity to them changes all the characteristics you considered ideal. Without a real person in the picture, you look for a mirror of yourself, which explains why your type is often an idealized version of yourself or your former partner. Then, when you meet someone and spend time with them, you make adjustments to make them the new ideal.
Engaging Conversations Cause That “Spark”
You’re more likely to fall in love with someone you spend time with. Up to a certain degree, it makes sense. However, not all long-time friends end up together. That’s because the level of engagement a person sparks within you plays a role in how you feel about them. You could be friends with a fairly interesting group of people, but if you don’t feel connected to them in a deep way, that bond remains platonic.
This is why people who have been through similar life situations tend to gravitate towards each other. You feel as though no one else understands you but that person. Even your ideas, which have been met with criticism when you discussed them with friends, are easier to express when you’re with someone likeminded. You feel comfortable telling them things you felt embarrassed to discuss with friends, and you start to think you’ll be a good match.
And yet even with all these assumptions about love, you may still be reading this thinking that’s not how it is. The fact that there are so many kinds of love makes each case unique and beautiful.
Falling in love is a tricky business. You can look at all the rules and still find a way to break them. At the end of the day, it’s not something you can study; it’s something you feel.