Online dating has become a normal option for many people that most people between the ages of 20 to 50 have a profile on some dating site. Tinder, eHarmony, and Grinder all cater to some group that promises matching anyone to a possible love match or even a special date, but very few of these lead to the altar or even a year-long relationship. But before you blame your lousy date on the system’s algorithm or your poor choices, you first have to blame it on biology.
When First Impressions Fool You
Most people are drawn by what they see, and so even if many people say looks are the last thing they consider, it’s also that first thing that catches their eye. And this applies to both sexes: men and women look for physical qualities that would indicate a person’s health and character. A big smile, bright eyes, shiny hair, and healthy skin all indicate fertility and good health. But what we fail to see is the work behind these images of health: the regular fitness routines, the visit to the orthodontics dental laboratories, and even the annual pilgrimage to the cosmetic surgeon for some Botox or filler injection.
Though these are all good enough in themselves and indicate that the person is concerned about their health and overall appearance, it might mean that what a potential partner sees is not what they should expect when they meet in person. The bright smile might seem like a sly grin, while the bright eyes could be hiding something else. We all know that most people on the internet lie, but when faced with the truth in front of us, we might be more discerning: we listen to the tone of their voice, we catch all the small gestures that might reveal who they are.
Biology is Powerful
This happens because it takes more than sight to fuel attraction. People also rely on scent, touch, taste, and hearing to make their choices for a mate. On the outside, they might look great, but their scent might turn you off, or their tone of voice is not interesting enough. Researchers have highlighted how pheromones work when it comes to attraction, but recent studies also show how our interaction during a date could release the kinds of hormones that could make a person feel they are “in love”.
And what do you need to do to make your serotonin and endorphins rise? Scientists found that sharing a laugh, making the other person feel safe and comfortable creates the perfect atmosphere that produces these hormones. So the initial attraction on the internet might catch your attention, but good conversation, a sense of humor, and good character are the things that could turn that attraction into flirtation, and then eventually into a full-blown relationship.
But that doesn’t mean you need to get rid of your dating apps. These days it’s the best way to find new friends and new people. But you have to remember that there’s more to dating than simply seeing something that appeals to you visually and then swiping right. Your body can tell you if the person is right for you, and sometimes you need to see them face to face more than once to get to know them better.